Wonky Middles

The middle is a weird place.

You rarely see the middle for what it will become. That messy middle can be ugly, uncomfortable and drive fear into our hearts. The middle can feel like a cage, freedom so far away you can barely remember that feeling of relief when, so effortlessly in the past, you used to stretch the tension from your wings. Middles occupy considerable real estate in our lives.

Psychologists say transitions create stress in our lives, even when they’re blessed things like marriage or buying a new house. We know transition such as losing a job, becoming a caregiver, a health crisis or losing a loved one create stress that is painful. So, we can safely deduce middles, or transitions, are stressful regardless of how wanted or unwanted they are.

As an artist I experience a lot of middle in a painting. When I was a new artist, it used to strike terror in my bones, that awkward look staring back at me from the canvas. I wondered if I was ever going to pull it off, create a piece of art worthy of someone’s eyes. Now, the middle of a painting is something I simply move through, around, and is a natural part of the process. I think experience with any middles takes the sting out of them.

On social media I posted a picture of a painting in process. It was in what I considered to be an wonky part of the process, but it got a lot of positive feedback. People really liked it. Had I been a less experienced painter I may have stopped the process because of the positive reviews. I might have never taken the piece to its true conclusion. It’s okay, of course, to like it.  I remember thinking the same thing in an art class years ago, wishing the artist would just stop her demo and leave it alone…before she messed it up. So, my middle piece stirred something in people, but being familiar with the process, and knowing the middle isn’t the end, I didn’t stop. I kept going. The piece slowly emerged as layers were moved, added and painted over. The finished piece was not in the middle anymore. It had scars and texture and stories and adornments that weren’t evident in the middle. It EMERGED!

That piece was just like us as we go through our transitions. I wonder how many things in my life I’ve stopped short. I wonder how many I’ve overworked. Experience is knowing the difference. When we’re in the middle our “life-stuff” we don’t know what we will become…only that when we emerge we will be changed. Our choices and attitudes, as we wade through, are the paint and brushstrokes that give us control. In this way we “create.” I’ve found it’s best to be present and thoughtful to create the ending we desire, not just in painting, but in life. We don’t always get the ending we want, but we always come out changed. Isn’t that the purpose we’re truly working for anyway?